Tony Bagwell is the inventor of futility.  His mother was Queen Victoria, former Monarch of England, and his father was Ringo Starr.  His hobbies include astronomy and mud wrestling. 

Best recent quote:  "I hate you, Statham."  Favorite book:  "Fun with Dick and Jane, Jailhouse Edition."

Ross Statham (shown here with his parole officer) emigrated to the United States from Slobovia in 1923.  After a brief stint as a knife catcher and dart team goalie (the scars are healing nicely) he started a business making paper mache house trailers in northern Forsyth County, Georgia.

Colby Strom comes from a family of lumber jacks from the Sahara Desert (formerly the Sahara Forest).  Bench pressing 275 pounds, Colby is best known as the man who slapped Amos "Mad Bull" Glick but lived to tell about it.  Favorite book: "Fur on my Jerky-- The Frugal Motorman's Guide to Southern Roadside Dining."

Karl Hebert ("Cajun") is an avid backpacker, gourmet cook and jewel thief from Lafayette, Louisiana.

Karl's father, the late Mahatma Ghandi, was the inventor of passive resistance, a skill that Karl has used successfully at work before being fired each time they figure it out.

(Photo courtesy of NASA)

 David Moore ("Doc") is a father of two Eagle Scouts and writes a poetry column for The Wall Street Journal. 

Dave once hiked across the Grand Canyon backwards while playing the entire Andrew Lloyd Webber songbook on a slide trombone.  His hobbies include check kiting as well as grand theft auto.

Tom Dillon is an avid outdoorsman & lecturer.   A cryptographer for the US National Security Agency, in his spare time, Tom teaches Vietnamese peasants the benefits of Western Capitalism. 

Tom's hobbies include grand larceny, stock manipulation and conspiracy.