The Geezer Fine Print

This website does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, Geezer Treks in general, any of the participants, my friends, or my dog, or my buddy Bruce Kastner, who wrote this disclaimer for me. But don’t quote me on that. Don’t quote me on anything.

All rights reserved. You may distribute this website freely but you may not make a profit from it. Terms are subject to change without notice. Illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental. Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law. Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat. Do not bend, fold, spindle or mutilate. Your mileage may vary. No substitutions allowed. For a limited time only. This website is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted. Caveat emptor. Website is provided "as is" without any warranties.

Reader assumes full responsibility. An equal opportunity website. No shoes, No shirt, No service. Quantities are limited. While supplies last. If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to read them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. Read at your own risk. Parental discretion advised, text may contain emphatic materials some readers may find objectionable. Keep away from sunlight. Keep away from OJ. Keep away from pets and small children. Limit one-per-family please. No money down. No purchase necessary. You need not be present to win. Some assembly required. Batteries not included.

Instructions are included. Action figures sold separately. No preservatives added. Slippery when wet. Safety goggles may be required during use. Sealed for your protection, do not read if safety seal is broken. Call before you dig. Not liable for damages arising from use or misuse. For external use only. If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue reading. Read only with proper ventilation. Avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place. Keep away from open flames. Avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Do not place near a flammable or magnetic source.

Smoking this website could be hazardous to your health. No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added. If ingested, do not induce vomiting, if symptoms persist, consult a physician. Possible penalties for early withdrawal. Offer valid only at participating sites. Allow four to six weeks for delivery. Must be 18 to read. Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes, and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB’s, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.).

Other restrictions may apply. This product is meant for educational purposes only. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if read before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States.

Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your cancelled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery. You must be present to win.

No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flame. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs, or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Decision of judges is final.

Every statement on this website is possibly true; maybe. My opinions are mine, unless you agree, in which case they’re ours. No computers were harmed during the creation of this website, however several billion electrons were abused to ensure its safe delivery. Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or no grammatical use and may be ignored. Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft. Remember: Safety first, always use common sense. Never drink and drive - either on or off-road! Never do more than you are comfortable with. Always wear safety belts and use all appropriate safety equipment.

voruebergehend nicht zu erreichen. Stehe in der Ecke und schaeme mich. This website was created solely by the author and his/her contributors and they retain full intellectual and financial rights to all the material within. No content of this website may be copied, in part or as a whole, by any of the following, but not inclusive means, whether: copied, facsimiled, mirrored, reproduced, replicated, duplicated, re-written by hand, calligraphic copied, illuminated, hand carved onto slate, stone, wood or other medium, without express written, thrice copied and posted through registered mail, permission of the author and contributors. Neither may it be: photographed, micro-dotted, carbon copied, photocopied, wax moulded, spray painted, put onto canvas, tattooed onto intimate parts of the body, counterfeited, faked, imitated, mimicked, parodied, or used for satire, irony, sarcasm, mockery, derision, ridicule or derision, particularly in an offensive use against any other member of this or any other planet or plane of existence. We wish it known that any opinions in this website, are purely the views of the author and contributors and are not necessarily those of the publisher, printer, translator, interpreter or the reader. We also wish it to be known that any work created by the aforementioned is merely there for entertainment purposes and should be taken in the context in which it was originally created. It is not their intention to impress their views on any other person, species or entity, and they do not intend to harm, upset, distress, hurt, disturb, sadden, wound, offend or endanger any other being, or non-being in any way by the opinions, judgments, views, beliefs or outlooks that are represented in this website.

Any material in this website that seems similar to any other item that you may have read, seen or dreamt about, whether from past, present or future is purely coincidental and/or the product of the author’s deranged imagination. Any names, people, animals, entities, or places used in this website are not related to any other personages either living, dead, un-dead, corporally or spiritually challenged, whether from past, present or future, from this planet, plane, dimension or parallel universe, and any similarity to the said person is definitely purely coincidental accidental, unintended, fluky, and totally unplanned. This website may not be used in part or as a whole for: propaganda purposes, misinformation, heresy, acts of: terrorism, violence, intimidation, neither may it be used for: declaration of wars, religious acts or foundations, acts of racism, speciesism or even violent arguments. No viruses were contracted or detected in the creation of this website, and it was deemed ’virus free’ when it left our office, but we cannot 100% guarantee that it will forever remain in this state and therefore dismiss any claims that future viruses contracted via this website, were in any way originally connected with ourselves.

The authors and contributors to this website also dismiss any legal claims in which the reader of this article suffers from any illnesses or accidents (including death) from the of reading or viewing of this website or any of its associated content, or any other actions that they have partaken in either in their own names or any others they may have used in the past, present or future. They do not under any circumstances take responsibility from readers suffering from eye strain, radiation poisoning, choking on their lunch or the paper that it was printed on, falling off of high objects, crashing motorized vehicles, or being struck by any mode of transport whilst laughing, crying or otherwise distracted from reading or viewing anything within this site. Veterinary surgeons, general practitioners, homeopaths and other alternative medicinal professions have found that this web-site is unlikely to cause any of the following: R.S.I., arthritis, respiratory tract conditions, heart disease, kidney malfunction, diabetes, under or over active thyroids, renal failure, ulceration, cancerous cells, tumors either malignant or benign, glaucoma, cataracts or other eye diseases, infertility, impotence, leukemia, other blood disorders, or clotting, hemorrhaging or even hemorrhoids.

This website and its content were largely created in a vacuum and have in no way ever been used in the process of bacterial growth or culture collation. As far as they (or we) can ascertain it is unlikely to be able to pass on such illnesses as colds, influenza, infections, rabies, measles, chicken pox, small pox, bubonic plaque, yellow fever, malaria, rubella or any other contagious ailments. This website is free from genetically modified or manipulated ingredients, both in its creation and in its production. It does not contain any nut products or by-products from nut associated materials and is gluten, sodium and sugar free. It contains no artificial sweeteners. E numbers or preservatives. It is both negligible in its contents of cholesterol, fats or other weight gaining ingredients. This website is also free of any meat products or by-products from animals, fish, insects or plants and so should be suitable for vegetarians, vegans, other non meat eaters, insectivores, carnivores and omnivores. No beings, sapient or otherwise, were harmed in the making of this web-site, neither were any animals used in its pre-testing, other than those who were voluntarily willing to sit and digest this meaningless drivel.

This website is also calorie free, although it must be stated that: its vitamin and mineral content are also very negligible; so we do not condone its usage as part of a weight loss, gain, sugar free, iron rich or high carbohydrate diet. The author and contributors to this web-site wish to make it clear that they cannot guarantee the medium on which you view this website, is free from, or includes any of the above. Lastly, if you have just sat and read the whole of this disclaimer, thank you, but haven’t you anything better to do?

Portions of this disclaimer are copyrighted by Mark St Jefferson, October 2000.