Tony Bagwell is the inventor of futility.  His mother was Queen Victoria, former Monarch of England, and his father was Ringo Starr.  His hobbies include astronomy and mud wrestling. 

Best recent quote:  "I hate you, Statham."  Favorite book:  "Fun with Dick and Jane, Jailhouse Edition."

Ross Statham (shown here with her father, Libby) emigrated to the United States from Slobovia in 1923.  After a brief stint as a knife catcher and dart team goalie (the scars are healing nicely) he started a business making paper mache house trailers in northern Forsyth County, Georgia.

Colby Strom comes from a family of lumber jacks from the Sahara Desert (formerly the Sahara Forest).  Bench pressing 275 pounds, Colby is best known as the man who slapped Amos "Mad Bull" Glick but lived to tell about it.  Favorite book: "Fur on my Jerky-- The Frugal Motorman's Guide to Southern Roadside Dining."

Jason Gaston is the author of "Catholicism for Dummies" and other habit-forming books.  A graduate of the University of Southern North Georgia's Seminary for the What's Happening Now, Jason still enjoys getting his hands dirty with "the guys" and knocking back a mocha latte on Friday nights.

 Audrey Statham (also known as "Bubbette") is a grandmother & devotee of Starbuck Zen (OHMMMM DAT COFFEE GOOOOD).  Bubbette can still fit into her Army boots and has no qualms about using them on her husband.  In her spare time she teaches the finer points of mud wrestling and loogey-hocking to Forsyth County High School Seniors.

Tom Dillon is an avid outdoorsman and lecturer.   A cryptographer for the US National Security Agency, in his spare time, Tom teaches Vietnamese peasants the benefits of Western Capitalism.  Tom's hobbies include grand larceny, misappropriation of funds and conspiracy.